Complex Covetousness

There was a time I had a particular famous quote posted to the ceiling above my bed which I had scribbled on some blank computer paper in a moment of inspiration. The quote read, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose,” the famous missionary Jim Elliot lived and eventually died by his words. Words that once served as my meditative mantra, holding a literal and proverbial fixed position above my head, continually shaping my imagination about what truly matters. As most consciously-repeated aphorisms, this quote eventually transitioned to a subconscious assumption—less obvious but more ubiquitously influential in my actions. No doubt that subconscious assumption—joining with myriad influences God has used to shape me—aided my path to India.

This quote has made its way to my consciousness today because, in spite of its truth, it symbolically represents one side of a seemingly irreconcilable dichotomy of the Christian way. Metaphorically, the chasm between each side would be the space between two diverging byways, one traveled by Braveheart, the other by a bald Buddhist. Not to say that the Christian life is one part violence and one part self-centered enlightenment-seeking. It is to say the way of Jesus seems to beckon us to passionately live for Gospel-born freedom for the Earth and simultaneously let go of attachments that keep our hearts entranced with the Earth’s concerns.

In words, the dichotomy seems more like two sides of the same road. In practice, I have found these ideas to be much harder to implement together. At times, I will be passionate or charismatic or ready to give my life for some noble cause. These highs have traditionally been followed by conversely depressing lows. Other times, I have tried to just let go of Care altogether. I don’t recall ever outright thinking that Care itself was an enemy, but, as I’ve tried to let go of desires that keep me rooted in the world’s constructs, I find that most of what American culture serves up as worthy of Care, isn’t.

My current context has brought this dilemma to a head. The heartbreaking events in Orissa serve as a constant reminder that, in the world’s current state, irrational hatred can be just down the road. They bronze Jim Elliot’s words as a true source of hope. Yet, because of those same events we are confined to this 68-acre campus—not only separating us from the true need of that situation, but from the needs that already existed just outside this campus.

I am tempted to again shift towards detaching myself from desire—even the desire to care about these needs—so I’m not tortured by these events, my desire to help, or just boredom itself. Thankfully, though, this situation has also opened the way towards my dilemma’s solution. The solution isn’t a balance between passion and personal dispossession—I’m not one for balances. However, I see a harmony opening up in my mind and this context for a way of being made up of both detachment and passion.

Oddly, one of the main contributors to these revelating thoughts is the last commandment: Do not covet. I once read a Jewish commentary on the Ten Commandments that outlined three of them pertaining to our relationship with God, five of them to our relationship with others, and two of them for our relationship with ourselves. Those two are keeping the Sabbath holy and not coveting. The implications on keeping the Sabbath holy are pretty incredible, but it’s in not coveting that I am finding freedom to walk faithfully in this situation.

As I was reading Exodus a few weeks ago, I felt God’s Spirit leading me to realize that I have been coveting situations that I don’t have. As I am letting go of what I don’t have, my eyes are being opened to all the opportunities right here and now. I’m taking advantage of a rare time in my life that is slow enough to focus on areas of my character that get overlooked in my breakneck American lifestyle. I’m rediscovering what it is to listen and love simply. I’m finding permission, by shear absence of demand on my time, to just be with the boys in the orphanage. I’m honestly falling in love with these little guys (a post to come).

The divergent paths are harmonizing as I am discovering the joys of a simple life and just exactly how simply one can live (if you haven’t tried bucket-bathing yet, you simply must!), while learning what the fundamental, moment-by-moment elements of Love are. This simplicity is clearing a path in my life to live as Jim lived, and especially Jesus. I’m finding a clearing in my heart to have the passionate vision of Jesus while seeing that passion nurtured by increasingly living in Love’s simple rhythm.

Passionate vision is finding an outlet. This last few weeks Abbie and I have been blessed with redesigning the ministry’s website. For the record, here’s the “before” picture:



Check this link in the coming days for the unveiling of bcmindia.org 2.0. Though we still have much work to do, we’re pretty excited about what has come out of our creative partnership.

Additionally, possibilities for serving in other areas of India (that would allow me to be closer to the needs in Indian culture) are making themselves known. I will post on those as/if they come to fruition.